The intense urge of pleasing people comes from the sense of insecurity, fear of rejection and low self-esteem. The need of making everyone else happy around us can also stem out from lack of finding happiness within ourselves. In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Suruchi Shah, Psychology Counsellor and Art-based therapist said, “They could be perfectionists who want things to be a certain way including the way they are perceived by others. People-pleasing could stem from deeper beliefs adopted during childhood that you need to make others happy to be deserving of their love or if you stop people-pleasing, you will be abandoned or uncared for. People-pleasers may not necessarily need others to do things for them but they may need you to need them.”
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However, the attitude of people-pleasing also comes with a lot of long-term consequences. Suruchi noted down three main consequences that people face when they try to please everyone around them continuously.
Losing ourselves: When we focus too much on the happiness of others, we often lose focus on our own goals, ambitions and the vision of how we see ourselves down the line. This further creates the feeling of being stuck or not living life authentically.
Dependency: The way we feel about ourselves is influenced by how others feel about us. Hence our self-worth gets dependent on others. That becomes tricky as we always feel like doing what others feel is right. This creates a sense of disconnect with ourselves.
Resentment: “The pressure of keeping others happy can leave you feeling depleted mentally and emotionally. Trying to manage it all and constantly feeling in charge of other happiness is a lot of pressure and stress. If you are unable to meet others’ expectations, then the added guilt puts you in a vicious cycle of not being good enough leaving you resenting your own self or others,” said Suruchi.
She further added, “Don’t do things only because you fear rejection or want the approval of others. While you are working on changing this trait, please remind yourself that new habits take time to develop so start with small steps and be patient with yourself.”
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