How to deal with childhood trauma? Expert offers insights

Childhood is the time when our emotions start growing, developing and then branching out to expressions. It is also the age when a trauma stays very deep-rooted, no matter how minimal it would have felt to the person inflicting it on us. It is the time when emotional expressions at home and how our emotions are reciprocated have a deep and intense effect on us – some of them we carry with us all our lives. Childhood trauma often comes in a way that looks like the love that existed before is being taken away as a punishment for an action, and that affects our emotional development even at an older age.

Childhood trauma can be of different sorts – but mostly it starts at home. Usually it involves screaming matches, going silent, retaliation, revenge or harsh punishment. Hence, we learn to deal with such conflicts from the adults who we see dealing with conflicts in a certain way. Psychologist Nicole LePera broke down the reasons and effects of childhood trauma in a post on Instagram, a day back. She wrote, “Witnessing parents who were emotionally immature and unable to cope with conflict has long term impacts on us. It also had an impact on our nervous system— we can enter immobilisation states where we shut down, become highly emotionally reactive/unable think, or dissociate (leave our body during conflict.”

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Nicole wrote that conflict means a collision of perspectives – something that is extremely common in human relationships and is an integral part of human nature. However, conflict does not always have a negative impact on relationships. Sometimes it can help us connect more with our partners if we learn to respect their perspectives and accept them the way they are.

Speaking of dealing with conflict, Nicole added that communication is the best way to go. It is important to let the other person know the feelings that you are having. Also, it is equally important to share with the partner how conflict was dealt with in your respective homes and how you have been conditioned. “If conflict brings up strong intense emotions (specifically of abandonment) talk to your partner about this. Share with each other how conflict was dealt with in your homes,” Nicole added.